I've always been a fan of thematic worship services.
Ok, well, in a slightly sarcastic way. I enjoy them as much by using the worship songs to predict the offertory, to predict the sermon, to predict the altar call. ( i've been in the church way too long.)
I enjoy them the way a financial investor enjoys predicting the stock market... and enjoy the same satisfaction ( minus the money part) as when they get it right.
Thus, I will carry on with my last blog, in attempt to be thematic, to give you a song to listen to that somehow works with the theme of this blog... it works like this: press play on the video and then scroll and read. All I need to add are flashing lights & a pastor with a crisp white on black embroidered shirt w/ alligator shoes, and you'd have yourself a charismatic church service.
A lot of days I work out of coffee shops. there's 3 favorites with in a 1 mile radius..and for the sake of barring monotony- i rotate them. And A week ago, I started noticing someone.
A man about 60 - wearing a fisherman's vest and navy pants. Suffering from parkinson's disease.
He shakes- all the time. His hands can barely grasp the door to the shop. He comes in. Sits in a corner for about 20 minutes before meekly ordering an iced tea.
I saw him, watched, and prayed under my breath : " Lord bless that man, today"
Next day, at the next coffee shop, saw him again. repeat scenario. repeat prayer.
this time, my heart was engaged. I felt the depth of compassion and a hopelessness that I couldn't do anything for this man.
Day after THAT. 3rd coffee shop. Same man. Same scenario. Same prayer, but this time, an answer.
As best I know, I heard the Lord.
" You bless him", He said.
I stopped. paralyzed watching the man in his typical routine. The rest of the coffee shop couldn't be bothered to notice this man. My heart was beating out of my chest. " Okay, I said, the next time I see him, I will bless him. But How? "
Busted. Perfect op to talk to him, ask him how his day is, buy his tea- SOMETHING. Something- that I didn't do.
He left, I thought I was off the hook. When I left He was sitting on a chair outside of the shop. And again, the heart racing to match his shaking hands. What did I do? I ignored him again.
Busted again.
The rest of the day I argued with myself- that me " blessing him" wouldn't really do anything. I mean, What could I do?
But that me praying " Lord, Bless that man" - was it a selfish prayer to make me " feel good" about my Christianity?
Was it that I want to be the saint that says " Oh, yes, I will pray for you, be warm, be filled " And then walk away with my only priority that my needs are met?
In that moment, my entire walk with the Lord was challenged.
Am I really loving? Do I really love the Lord? I sure say I do.
But my actions are far from living it sometimes.
Man, do I get proud & revel in the "good deeds" or " acts of character" that I tend to showcase when more people are watching than when they don't... Wonder if all that is cancelled out when I then use those as a comparative scale as to why my Christianity is better than yours.
Let's be honest, sometimes I think I'm a badass for the kingdom.
It's just not true.
So, enough. Enough of Christianity to make me look good. Enough of Christianity to validate me.
It's not our job to be the savior. And me thinking that an " action" can save someone is a bit audacious...
We lift up the name of the Lord, He draws men to his side.
I say it all the time, in front of lots of folks.
But that doesn't mean that I'm out of the equation.
Where's the balance? Between living out our faith and living LOVE- through action and genuine belief?
Where's the balance in being a social justice nazi and wearing all the gear and ranting on twitter about
critical issues that we pretend to care about to self-validate?
And then there's the idea of genuinely being a servant of the most High. I choose that one.
I'm not sure how to do it right. I'm not sure how to do it in balance. But I'm open to learning.
I won't spend the next three paragraphs telling you how to be a fruitful and faithful epic Christian.
I will revert to my " theme-friendly" song. and say that I think the answer is in it.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of the earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.
I think THAT's where we loose the petty. the gossip, the lies, the inability to love, the self-validating ambition.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Done.
I can't guarantee that the next time I see Fisherman vest guy that I won't chicken out and stay silent.
But I don't know that I won't.
Lord, bless that man. and Help me to also.
28 August 2010
09 August 2010
Letting Go...
Before getting too far into this...have a listen to the song on repeat in my head....
This will be a bit of a difficult post...one that I've wanted to write for a while... But didn't want to write from a place that I wasn't at but knew I should be....and although I'm probably not fully there... there go I.
In talking with people, I've been blown away by their support and kindness and genuine interest in this new endeavor...
But in the back of my head there's a genuine fear that their expectations will be far less than met with the glory and splendor and romantic ideals that starting a busisness of this nature can sometimes entail.
Truth is, this is a difficult road. Dificult with hope dispersed in-between. Not quite sure if one has been more present than the other, or if they're intrinsically a symbiotic relationship that I have yet to master.
Difficult for many reasons, not sparing those that I have brought upon myself.
Hopeful for many reasons, not sparing the ones that I had nothing to do with.
I loved my last job. No, I adored my last job. So much so that it's been very hard to let it go.
Loved the people. Loved the community. Loved the wisdom I gained from older leaders, and then tried, shabbily, to pass to students. Loved that we embarked on uncharted territory and " What if no one told you no" was a theme for students & what we could do..Loved the moments, both wonderful and heartbreaking, and look back with fondness on the creativity we engaged. .. I learned much about the King and His Kingdom, and Love and Truth, and walking through difficult circumstances.
I learned. I learn. I am learning.
I deeply searched my heart & am trying to process with care- and trying, very intentionally to look honestly at the successes, failures, and indifferences that defined me (idolitarily) for 4 years.
I also learned that I quite easily romanticize my thoughts- be it positively or negatively.
Having one of those" romantic" thoughts and nearing to tears I walked on the campus of ORU yesterday, if for no other reason to get it out of my head & heart & look in the face of what I " missed" ... or thought I "missed" ... with full intent of staring failure in the face and taking it by the head to move it out of my way. . just, just to keep going.. one shaky footstep after another.
Bear in mind I haven't been on campus in about 2 months...the longest break I've had in 8 years. Count them...8 years...
and the break has been welcomed and beyond needed... But when I set foot... I realised.
Yes, I miss the students.
and I cherish some UNBELIEVABLE memories & victories and lessons learned, experiences of GRACE beyond what I deserved... and correction that has taught me well...
But there was a new feeling... one of freedom without bitterness... a re-emergence of sorts... and I felt for the first time, That I let it go. . . I could easily ramble on about every little emotion that ran throughout the course of my head and heart over the last 7 months...but I will spare you all of that... to give you my conclusion...
... I am grateful beyond words.. the Lord taught me more than I realized I could learn in such a short time... .and it was an honor to serve there... just, and simply, an honor.
and that was it. one simple word to sum up a time of rises and falls, heights and valleys... and a really great album that i'm still proud of... ( speaking only of until the whole world knows..the others, well...those were special.)
and now... having let go... for the first time... let me share with you what remains out of a grateful heart....
hoping that it won't take you as long to learn these as it did me...
things i've learned at ORU....
1. you are not your title
2. if you live in the praises of man, you will die in their criticism
3. if you aim to please men, you will ( no doubt) develop an anxiety disorder
4. don't drink morning coffee without food on mornings you have important meetings.
5. if you cannot correct someone for their benefit and out of a heart of love, you have no business correcting them.
6. If you put anything... ANYTHING above the Lord, it will fail ( and so will you)
7. real success is found in delighting the heart of the father. oftentimes this will piss people off.
8. when you piss people off because you're following the lord, keep a pure heart. getting haughty, will make the whole thing go very, very sour.
9. listen not to the words of man that are vicious , but respect them anyways ( the people, not their words)
10. submit to authority. all of it. even if you don't like it. submit & respect the Lord... it's him who delivers you.
11. you are not a victim. ever. don't act like one.
12. respond, do not react.
13. you will burn out if you feel obligated to give & love
14. you will not burn out if you set up great boundaries and give & love out of God.
15. it takes God to love God. It takes loving God to really love anyone.
16. the way you handle those you lead who look have the least to offer will determine your leadership ability and capacity.
17. the truth is always the way to go. its really hard to live up to the lies you create.
18. repeat number 17 about 30 times.
19. fear of man is utterly futile
20. that being said, don't watch braveheart right before you go into a meeting about trivial things. you are not william wallace, and you really are not fighting for the freedom of a country and it's people.
21. THAT being said, never take lightly standing up for someone.
22. character should ALWAYS be given precedence above talent.
23. 22 will get you looked down upon.
24. have I mentioned submit to your authority? because if you don't, you'll get angry, and tht will turn into bitterness, and that will turn into bondage, which will ultimately lead to the enemy having full control of your life.
25. do not ever be ashamed of the people you lead.
26. people ( regardless of their age and education level) know when you're lying. even if they don't let you know, they know.
27. pride is just ugly.
28. all insecurity is rooted in pride.
29. if you really want to help people, deal with the root issue, don't just punish the fruit of it.
30. understanding the heart is far more important than living by the law... but know that out of the heart comes the breaking of the law.
31. listen to everything Clarence Boyd has to say.
32. no amount of money is worth not telling the truth ( revert to the lawsuit of 2007)
33. alot of money tends to come once you've told the truth ( revert to the great Mart Green Bailout.)
34. leading out of manipulation is the quickest way to really hurt people.
35. servant leadership is not serving the leaders until you have served long enough to become a leader. it's maintaining a servant heart in your leadership. ( look up Greg Mortenson and read His story)
36. all arrows should point to Jesus.
37. it is assanine to try and become a " household name" in worship. only Jesus should be that.
38. forgive always. even when you're right. because you're probably not. and even if you are, you're not right in unforgiveness.
39. gossip is befitting of no one. and can REALLY hurt the people you lead.
40. your approval can legitimately come from no one but the Lord. and until you realize that and receive it, you'll have that nagging, aching void.
41. the fact that you keep waking up in the middle of the night with night terrors and not being able to breathe is a blatant attack of the enemy. sleeping pills wont help.
42. don't wear a skirt above knee-length if you're standing on a stage. there is no exception for this. ever.
43. pretend humility is a slap in the face, to those you lead, and to humility.
44. don't buy coffee for everyone in your office because you like buying coffee. they get used to it, and you don't realize how much your spending.
45. always take on more than you think you can handle.
46. be realistic about how much you can actually handle
47. " NO " is the most important word in leadership. say it upfront and honestly. it sucks way worse to say it after you've said " yes" knowing that you will have to go back and change it.
48. seek the Lord first. always first. I really wish I had learned this one a long time ago.
49. sometimes, you just gotta go with your gut. this will lead to getting in trouble. apologize, and know if you have a good leader, they will encourage your bravery. ( maybe...)
50. tell the truth. just. tell. the . truth.
:) Bless you.
:LC
This will be a bit of a difficult post...one that I've wanted to write for a while... But didn't want to write from a place that I wasn't at but knew I should be....and although I'm probably not fully there... there go I.
In talking with people, I've been blown away by their support and kindness and genuine interest in this new endeavor...
But in the back of my head there's a genuine fear that their expectations will be far less than met with the glory and splendor and romantic ideals that starting a busisness of this nature can sometimes entail.
Truth is, this is a difficult road. Dificult with hope dispersed in-between. Not quite sure if one has been more present than the other, or if they're intrinsically a symbiotic relationship that I have yet to master.
Difficult for many reasons, not sparing those that I have brought upon myself.
Hopeful for many reasons, not sparing the ones that I had nothing to do with.
I loved my last job. No, I adored my last job. So much so that it's been very hard to let it go.
Loved the people. Loved the community. Loved the wisdom I gained from older leaders, and then tried, shabbily, to pass to students. Loved that we embarked on uncharted territory and " What if no one told you no" was a theme for students & what we could do..Loved the moments, both wonderful and heartbreaking, and look back with fondness on the creativity we engaged. .. I learned much about the King and His Kingdom, and Love and Truth, and walking through difficult circumstances.
I learned. I learn. I am learning.
I deeply searched my heart & am trying to process with care- and trying, very intentionally to look honestly at the successes, failures, and indifferences that defined me (idolitarily) for 4 years.
I also learned that I quite easily romanticize my thoughts- be it positively or negatively.
Having one of those" romantic" thoughts and nearing to tears I walked on the campus of ORU yesterday, if for no other reason to get it out of my head & heart & look in the face of what I " missed" ... or thought I "missed" ... with full intent of staring failure in the face and taking it by the head to move it out of my way. . just, just to keep going.. one shaky footstep after another.
Bear in mind I haven't been on campus in about 2 months...the longest break I've had in 8 years. Count them...8 years...
and the break has been welcomed and beyond needed... But when I set foot... I realised.
Yes, I miss the students.
and I cherish some UNBELIEVABLE memories & victories and lessons learned, experiences of GRACE beyond what I deserved... and correction that has taught me well...
But there was a new feeling... one of freedom without bitterness... a re-emergence of sorts... and I felt for the first time, That I let it go. . . I could easily ramble on about every little emotion that ran throughout the course of my head and heart over the last 7 months...but I will spare you all of that... to give you my conclusion...
... I am grateful beyond words.. the Lord taught me more than I realized I could learn in such a short time... .and it was an honor to serve there... just, and simply, an honor.
and that was it. one simple word to sum up a time of rises and falls, heights and valleys... and a really great album that i'm still proud of... ( speaking only of until the whole world knows..the others, well...those were special.)
and now... having let go... for the first time... let me share with you what remains out of a grateful heart....
hoping that it won't take you as long to learn these as it did me...
things i've learned at ORU....
1. you are not your title
2. if you live in the praises of man, you will die in their criticism
3. if you aim to please men, you will ( no doubt) develop an anxiety disorder
4. don't drink morning coffee without food on mornings you have important meetings.
5. if you cannot correct someone for their benefit and out of a heart of love, you have no business correcting them.
6. If you put anything... ANYTHING above the Lord, it will fail ( and so will you)
7. real success is found in delighting the heart of the father. oftentimes this will piss people off.
8. when you piss people off because you're following the lord, keep a pure heart. getting haughty, will make the whole thing go very, very sour.
9. listen not to the words of man that are vicious , but respect them anyways ( the people, not their words)
10. submit to authority. all of it. even if you don't like it. submit & respect the Lord... it's him who delivers you.
11. you are not a victim. ever. don't act like one.
12. respond, do not react.
13. you will burn out if you feel obligated to give & love
14. you will not burn out if you set up great boundaries and give & love out of God.
15. it takes God to love God. It takes loving God to really love anyone.
16. the way you handle those you lead who look have the least to offer will determine your leadership ability and capacity.
17. the truth is always the way to go. its really hard to live up to the lies you create.
18. repeat number 17 about 30 times.
19. fear of man is utterly futile
20. that being said, don't watch braveheart right before you go into a meeting about trivial things. you are not william wallace, and you really are not fighting for the freedom of a country and it's people.
21. THAT being said, never take lightly standing up for someone.
22. character should ALWAYS be given precedence above talent.
23. 22 will get you looked down upon.
24. have I mentioned submit to your authority? because if you don't, you'll get angry, and tht will turn into bitterness, and that will turn into bondage, which will ultimately lead to the enemy having full control of your life.
25. do not ever be ashamed of the people you lead.
26. people ( regardless of their age and education level) know when you're lying. even if they don't let you know, they know.
27. pride is just ugly.
28. all insecurity is rooted in pride.
29. if you really want to help people, deal with the root issue, don't just punish the fruit of it.
30. understanding the heart is far more important than living by the law... but know that out of the heart comes the breaking of the law.
31. listen to everything Clarence Boyd has to say.
32. no amount of money is worth not telling the truth ( revert to the lawsuit of 2007)
33. alot of money tends to come once you've told the truth ( revert to the great Mart Green Bailout.)
34. leading out of manipulation is the quickest way to really hurt people.
35. servant leadership is not serving the leaders until you have served long enough to become a leader. it's maintaining a servant heart in your leadership. ( look up Greg Mortenson and read His story)
36. all arrows should point to Jesus.
37. it is assanine to try and become a " household name" in worship. only Jesus should be that.
38. forgive always. even when you're right. because you're probably not. and even if you are, you're not right in unforgiveness.
39. gossip is befitting of no one. and can REALLY hurt the people you lead.
40. your approval can legitimately come from no one but the Lord. and until you realize that and receive it, you'll have that nagging, aching void.
41. the fact that you keep waking up in the middle of the night with night terrors and not being able to breathe is a blatant attack of the enemy. sleeping pills wont help.
42. don't wear a skirt above knee-length if you're standing on a stage. there is no exception for this. ever.
43. pretend humility is a slap in the face, to those you lead, and to humility.
44. don't buy coffee for everyone in your office because you like buying coffee. they get used to it, and you don't realize how much your spending.
45. always take on more than you think you can handle.
46. be realistic about how much you can actually handle
47. " NO " is the most important word in leadership. say it upfront and honestly. it sucks way worse to say it after you've said " yes" knowing that you will have to go back and change it.
48. seek the Lord first. always first. I really wish I had learned this one a long time ago.
49. sometimes, you just gotta go with your gut. this will lead to getting in trouble. apologize, and know if you have a good leader, they will encourage your bravery. ( maybe...)
50. tell the truth. just. tell. the . truth.
:) Bless you.
:LC
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